An Apology From the Gates of Hell

March 26, 2012

She had love in her eyes
but he conveniently died,
to avoid a horrible date.

He went to hell
with no soul to sell
so the Devil told him to wait.

Decades went by
and who should catch his eye
but the very woman he escaped.

You get what you earn
the poor woman was spurned
so thus he began to pray:

“God above
with unending love
release me from this fate!

I know i was wrong
but i’ve been here so long
Just let me through the gate!”

The Lord heard his prayer
but sinners beware
He was nothing less than irate.

“How could you chide
my beautiful child
and expect Me, of all, to relate?

You never stopped sinning
since the beginning
your offenses came in spates!

I forgive all
From the great to the very small
but for you it’s, unfortunately, too late.”

With tears in his eyes
(Which were instatnly vaporized)
He approched the woman, au fait.

“My dear, I must reconcile
though it’s been quite some while,
For my most fearful of traits:

I am a boor
And you deserved more
My rudeness was a mistake.

Please forgive a selfish fool
who died too young to avoid a cruel,
innane, and dreary prate.

I know I’m horrible
self-indulgent and deplorable
But I only wish to abate.

Will you tell me
that you don’t blame me
or hold any malice or hate?”

Then, after some delay
the poor woman began to say
at an excruciatingly slow rate:

“I cannot forgive
the way you lived
as though I was lying in wait!

To assume, as you were apt,
that I was entirely rapt
with you and ‘your handsome gait,’

That I was only waiting
and cleverly baiting
’til you became my mate.

Truth be told
I was never so bold
And you were never that great!”

And so Cerberus laughed
as Hell’s gates cracked
with a terrible and hideous grate,

as realization sank in
that he was only now to begin
His new and eternal strait.